Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We are two peas in an std pod
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
