I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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