dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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