A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
