I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
