if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
