Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
