Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Its about making memories worth repressing
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
