Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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