Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
