I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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