I wish my penis had an off switch
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
