Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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