That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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