They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
