You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
