I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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