I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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