Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
