Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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