he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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