i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
