was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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