if you like me you must not know who I am
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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