i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
