yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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