well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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