im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
