First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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