tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
