somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
