Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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