Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone came in the potted fern
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
