She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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