it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
