She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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