to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
