He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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