i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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