It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
