Where is the hickey?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
