About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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