Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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