Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
