I got chris browned last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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