no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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