12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
