New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
