im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
