He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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