maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
