Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
