just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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